I’ve always been a terrible tester.  Even when I know a subject, there’s something about testing that scares the good sense out of me.  When I was in elementary school, I was in RSP and so wasn’t required to take part in the standardized testing that everyone did every two years, or so.  When I went to high school, I took a few AP classes, but never took the tests because I was afraid to fail them.  I never took the SAT or ACT tests, again, because I was afraid to fail them, and because I didn’t need them since I was going to Community College.  The only standardized tests I’ve ever taken was the AccuPlacer when I moved to Texas, because you can’t enroll in any college in Texas without it, and the Writing Proficiency Exam at Tarleton, because no one graduates without having passed it.

With all that in mind, I signed up for the GRE a few days ago, and I’m feeling very woozy about it.  I got a reminder in my email today, which brought it back to mind.  My appointment to take the computer-based GRE is Tuesday at 2pm in Waco.  The fact is, I’ve put it off for too long.  I need to take it, I can’t register for classes on for Summer or Fall until I do.  It’s $160, so I decided that now was a good time, since I have the money.  Now that I’m registered, I’m not feeling particularly good about it.  I’ve taken the practice GRE questions on the website several times and never scored about 65% on any of the sections and considerably worse on the math parts.

I feel like I’ve got a good education, but I’m a terrible critical thinker.  I suck at Math, of every kind.  Needless to say, I’m really worried that I won’t do well.  There is one consolation right now, and that’s that my school doesn’t care what you make, only that you take it.  Still, it reflects me and my ability, and so I want to do well.  I’m not holding my breath, I know I won’t do well, but I’m hoping that my scores on the writing part will compensate for my inability to do well on the other parts.  If there’s anything I do well, it’s write.  Anyway, Tuesday is the day, which cuts into my schedule in a major way, but what has to be done, has to be done.

Wish me luck.

While attempting to make a grocery list last night, I realized I have no idea how to cook anything that won’t immediately clog all your arteries and kill you.  I love comfort food, but making and eating it is really affecting my diet.  I had biscuits and gravy for dinner last night, which is so crazy good, but does nothing to aid my weight loss efforts.  The thing is, two summers ago, when I was losing weight, I cooked a lot of great meals that were healthy.  Now, I can’t remember a single one of them.  All I can come up with is chicken and fish, but I see that getting really old, really fast.  So, I’m on the hunt for really good, really good for us recipes to help keep me on track so that I can get groceries.

I’ve been looking at SparkRecipes and I’ve found some really good things I want to try, but there are so many recipes, it’s almost impossible to sort through them all!  So, I’m looking for suggestions… what do you like to eat that’s good, and good for you?  Share with me!

It is not without some amazement, and a little amusement, that I write today.  I went to see Melanie yesterday to catch up and when she saw me she all but insisted that I’d lost weight while I was in California.  I shook my head, no I hadn’t, I thought, but it’s always nice to hear that someone things you look thinner… especially someone who sees you all the time.  I went about my way, thinking nothing else about it, because I had/have a lot of other things on my mind right now.

Then, when I dragged myself out of bed this morning, I accidentally pulled on a pair of pants that don’t fit me.  I buttoned and zipped them and went about my way and it wasn’t until I’d been awake nearly a half an hour that I realized the pants I was wearing were crops.  They haven’t fit me in months, not comfortably at least, and here I was sitting down in them… and comfortably!  Of course, you can imagine what I did next.

Dragging the scale (evil thing!!) out from behind the cabinet, I took my weight… then I took it again… and then a third time.  The thing said I was down 9 lbs from where I was when I left for California!!  I was still sad about my weight, which happens every time I weigh, but I was also more than pleased to see that I’m a few pounds lighter, especially given how hard it generally is for me to lose weight.  So, with that surge of happiness still coarsing through me, I stepped off the scale but didn’t put it away.  I decided that right now, on the impetus of that 9 lbs, I’m going to try to make something of it.

While I was in California, I got a copy of The Spark (Thanks, Candi!) which is a book written by Chris Downie, the founder of SparkPeople.  Though I’ve used SparkPeople before, and loved it, and lost 15 lbs while doing it, I fell off the wagon and couldn’t bring myself to keep using their site (largely out of embarrassment).   Well, I’ve gone back now and signed up for a new account, and am going to work on shedding the excess pounds.  I feel really good about this right now.  I feel like the book, plus the 9 lbs off, makes this a really good time to do something positive for myself.

Right now, my weight-loss goal is HUGE (no pun intended, I assure you).  I’m going to share it with you, because it’s important for me to be honest.  Right now, I’m looking to lose 92 lbs.  When I get to that, and I do say when and not if, I plan to try to take off at least another 30 lbs.  All in all, my goal is another 122 lbs.  It’s scary and I know I’m going to get frustrated from time to time,  I may even cry and contemplate giving up, but I think it’s something I can do.  Most importantly, it’s something I WANT to do, for myself, right now!

So, with the help of SparkPeople, today I start my weight-loss journey.  Sounds corny, I know, but it’s the truth.  I’m going to go grocery shopping as soon as possible, get Matt out to walk with me, and try Alli again because I really think it helped me last time.  Anyway, I’m off to get ready for school, have class tonight and still haven’t had dinner.

Adieu.