I slept in late today and woke up thinking how grateful I am that this last week is over. Its been a long, hard week and though its meant being able to see my family, something for which I am always thankful, its also meant grieving. Grieving makes me tired, not just physically, but also emotionally, never mind the long drive to Plainview and back, only to turn around and have to go to Waco. All trips were fairly nice, as short trips go, and taken by themselves would have been fine, but all together made for a nightmare week. I actually feel bad feeling like that, though, since my folks left home last Saturday, drove all the way from California to Texas over the course of two days, stayed two days, and turned around to drive all the way back to California. They had a much more tiring week than me, I’m sure, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m tired.

Part of the problem, I think, is that its been such a terrible summer.  Matt and I have struggled these last three months more than we ever have before.  The weekend after I decided not to go to school over the summer, which meant for the first time in 5 years we wouldn’t have summer financial aid money, our range/stove died.  I should have taken it for a sign of horrible things to come, but as pissed as I was and as little as I could ignore the irony that literally days after I decided not to go to summer school for the first time in years something bad happens, I still went ahead with the plan to work all summer and skip on classes. Classes I didn’t at all need, mind you, as I’ll already be well over the number of hours required for my MA by the time I graduate.  No point in paying for something I’m not going to need anyway.

It’s not even just the stove, it’s the fact that my glasses have been going out of prescription for nearly three months but I’ve not really had the time, or money, to go to the eye doctor.  Work has been jerking me around, school financial aid has been being uncooperative, and my tooth got so infected that I had to bite the bullet and go to the doctor only to find out that I need a root canal, which are very freaking expensive!  My grandmother’s been very sick, which meant taking trips to Plainview.  Those trips were actually one of the higher, and lower, points of the summer because I got to see my Grandparents, my folks, my sister and my aunt, but the circumstances sucked.

School’s finally back in on August 30th and I’ve never been so happy to see a semester coming, especially one where I’m going to be taking 9 hours and working as a grad assistant.  I’m going to be busier than I’ve ever been before, but maybe that’s what I need.  What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger… right?  So maybe running the summer gauntlet has prepared me for what’s to come?  Yeah, okay, I don’t really believe that saying, I also don’t think this summer prepared me for anything but being thankful that it’s nearly over!

I’m taking this next week off work, I need the time to recoup from the summer from hell before school’s back in.  Instead, I’m going to do the laundry, clean the house, and go through the dresser and get rid of old clothes I don’t wear to make room for the clothes I do.  It isn’t like I’m going to be sitting around all week doing nothing, I’m just not going to be sitting in front of the computer all week.  Maybe I’ll also work on my novel some.  I might write a little bit, I need to get an article submitted for Blissfully Domestic so I can stay active with them, and I might write a bit for demand, but only when I feel like it. That way, it’s less of a job and more of a hobby… ah, the things I tell myself to get by.

Wow have I ever failed at blogging this summer!  There are things going on, but every time I sit down to try to write about them my whole person recoils in rebellion.  I think writing for work is killing my writing spirit.  I’m finding that while I like working from home, I don’t know that I particluarly like the primary client I’m working for — it’s just so inane sometimes and I find myself thinking “if I have to write one more article about [enter stupid topic no one cares about], I’m going to scream!”  It’s not a good sign.  I’m thinking that I might need to find another gig, or a few other gigs, that pay as well as this one does.  That’s the trick right there, this one pays pretty good as freelance web content markets go.

Part of my problem has to be the changes they’ve made recently.  It’s killing my grove. Since starting with the client I’m working for, I’ve written primarily home and garden titles. A few other things have slipped in there, but that’s been my primary focus.  I enjoyed writing home and garden titles because that’s where my interest lies.  It goes back to my childhood when I wanted to be an interior decorator when I grew up.  Since then, I’ve planted my feet firmly on the ground, where the only people who grow up and become interior decorators are people who can afford to be whimsical. I can’t afford whimsy, but I like to indulge my imagination with titles about decorating.  That was, until the home and garden titles started drying up.  The system went from having several tens of thousands of titles, to almost nothing… over night.  So where did they go?  I, like many others, started to freak out.  This was my livelihood they were (are?) messing with!  Turns out they opened a new division by invitation only and put the home and garden titles in that division. The rest of us could apply, but they’re only accepting a small number of the applicants.

The problem comes where I applied to write for this new division and they rejected my application after making me wait for nearly three weeks.  They said they were sorry, thanked me for applying, but that they couldn’t accept my application because I didn’t have the necessary experience. Okay, frankly, that’s bullshit!  I’ve been writing home and garden titles for them for months and suddenly I don’t have the experience.  What makes it worse is that a quick look at the forums have taught me that other people with absolutely no home and garden writing experience have gotten on without even having to ask for an invite.  One woman was so happy she got invited, saying she had never written a single home and garden title, but that she was going to give it a try.  Other people are getting accepted with less experience than I  have, less time working for the client, etc.  There’re no freaking standards and it’s infuriating!

It’s also affecting my ability to work.  Not just because I can’t find titles, but because I’m feeling discouraged. I can’t do anything that requires even a scrap of creativity when I’m discouraged.  While this job is fairly technical, as in, do the job and follow the rules and churn out 400-500 words per piece, it also requires the part of my creative brain that houses my internal thesaurus. I have to creatively come up with synonyms so I don’t say the same things over and over, but they also don’t allow us to use words like “popular” that are subjective and opinion based.  It can be such a pain in the ass sometimes. Yes, I’m upset and I don’t see that changing any time soon.

So, needless to say, my “let’s see if I can make it as a freelance writer experiment” for the summer hasn’t gone according to plans.  I did get on at Blissfully Domestic, which has made my summer so much better and I’m still writing for Suite101, which I love, but otherwise it’s not gone great. I want to say it did, but I can’t.  I want to say I’ll do this for a living, and I hope it’s true, but I can’t say that.  I want to blame my lack of productivity on the fact that I’m having to work in the damn living room, but that’s not the whole problem.  So many things are to blame and while some of them are my fault, others are simply not.

School will be back in on August 30th and I’m looking forward to going back.  For me, right now, that says a lot… especially to those who I’ve been talking to about school.  I’m ready to go back now, honestly, but I have to wait until the summers out… Boo!!

I’ve been meaning to write about this for a while, although if you follow me on Twitter of Facebook you’re probably already well aware.  A few weeks ago, while browsing the forums at Suite101, I found an amazing opportunity on a fellow writer’s website.  She was writing about writing for Blissfully Domestic, it turns out she’s the editor-in-chief for the site.  I enjoy Blissfully Domestic as a reader and after hearing what she had to say about it decided to apply to be a contributing writer.  A few days later, I was accepted, so I’ll be writing about, well, writing.  It’s a topic I know a little something about, one I enjoy delving into, and I have a ton of thoughts about what I’d like to write.

I mention this now for two reason.  First, if you’re anything like me, you probably notice when something new appears on a blog’s sidebar.  I installed the beautiful Blissfully Domestic Contributor button a few days back; it links directly to my profile over there.  The second reason is that yesterday my first article went live.  I wrote about starting a writing group and would love for you to give it a read.  Thoughtful comments on the article are both welcome and appreciated!

I also hope you’ll check back to Blissfully Domestic in the future, give the site a read, and see what I’ve been up to over there.  In turn, I’ll let you know when something new is posted there to look for.  Enjoy the article!