What doesn’t kill me will make me stronger, what doesn’t kill me will make me stronger, what doesn’t kill me will make me stronger… okay, enough of that.

You’ve just read what seems to be my motto for the fall. Those of you who read here with any regularity know that I had a horrible summer. Those who don’t, well, I had a horrible summer. Now everyone knows. Everything that could go wrong did. The stove going out, work, my grandmother passing… horrible… freaking… summer. Now that fall’s here, I’m trying hard not to have a horrible freaking fall, too, but I’m also feeling like by the time Christmas break comes, I’ll be ready for a break.

I started school and work on Monday, but that wasn’t where things began. I had orientations and meetings last Thursday, Friday and Sunday. Turn around from that and I was at the school bright and early Monday morning. So far, school’s okay, but as one would expect with graduate school, I have a lot of work already! Work is busy, busy, but will get busier next week when the labs start. Right now, I work every day in the writing center, observe basic writing two mornings a week, attend a weekly meeting but starting next week I’ll also teach two lab sections and work every other Wednesday evening in the library from 5-8 doing writing center stuff.

That’s not to say I’m not enjoying it, because so far, I am. I’m also exhausted and it’s only Thursday, but I’ve been assured that that will get easier. I’m looking forward to all of this becoming routine, because I need to lull into a sense of routine to keep my sanity. I have the feeling that it won’t be routine for a while yet, which is expected. With every job, and every semester, a period of adjustment is normal… right? Gah, I hope so, because if not, the exhaustion and subtle confusion are just me and I hate when things like this are just me.

Right now, my biggest concern is next weeks start of labs. I am petrified with fear over having to teach these labs. I know it’s nothing to be worried about, I know I know more than basic writers, but all the knowledge in the world isn’t putting to bed the fear that I’m going to screw up, or look like an idiot, or come off unprofessional. In all this fear, I do have moments of lucidity and sheer, unadulterated confidence that I can do this, but the other 23 hours and 59 minutes a day, I’m terrified. I’m hoping it’ll pass once it’s over, or at the very least ease as the semester progresses. We’ll see if my nerves can do that, or if I’m just a total basket case from here on out.

I have to say, though, I know that at least part of my problem is the realization that presentations are all around me and that I can’t escape them. I have to teach the labs as a part of the GA job, which I understood when I took the job, but I also have to do a presentation and a class discussion thing in my British Lit class and give presentations about the writing center as a part of my writing center duties. Fear of public speaking be damned, it’s something I have to do. Yay for being a grown-up, grad student with grown-up grad student responsibilities.

Two years, two years, two years… yeah, repetition because I learned in high school senior psych that you have to repeat things if you hope to commit them beyond your short term memory. Not that the fact that it’ll take two years needs be committed, I know it with every shred of my being. May 2012, it seems like forever but by the time I get working on everything that needs be worked on, I’m sure I’ll wonder where the hell the time went.

To top it all off, though it’s not really time yet, my thesis topic is floating around in my brain. I’m thinking about it all the time now, ways to spin it and make it as original and compelling, both for myself and any prospective audience, as I possibly can. We’ll see what I come up with. Nothing I can possibly share just yet.

Is it Friday afternoon yet? No? Damn!

My new sewing machine is here!!

It’s kind of a misnomer to call it “my new sewing machine” since I never had an old sewing machine, but it’s new and it’s mine, so it works. It came on Thursday night. I was gone all day Thursday with training and orientations at the school, so Matt agreed to stay up and wait for it to be delivered.  The poor guy had only had about 2 hours of sleep but still said he’d stay awake until it came.  He waited and waited, but it never did come. When I got in about 7:30 p.m. to find a very sleep, not terribly happy hubby telling me that it didn’t come, I checked the tracking which said it was out for delivery.  Poor guy seemed genuinely concerned that I’d be upset, which I was. Then, not ten minutes after I walked through the door, here comes a knock. It’s FedEx delivering my package from Amazon.  Matt like to pull his hair out, but we were both glad it got here.

So, I unpackaged it, but I’ve not had a chance to use it yet. I only paid about $100 and I got the machine, a plastic hard case, and a pack of 10 plastic bobbins, which aren’t here yet.  I want to make something, but I also want to do it right, so I’m waiting until I have time.  It’s not been easy, let me tell you!  So here it is…

Isn’t it pretty?! I had more meetings on Friday, so afterward I headed over to Melanie’s and we went to Wal-Mart. I got scissors and all of the stuff I’ll need to get started.  I also got these three patterns…

I’m going to attempt the bag first! Not the messenger bag, but the other one (bottom left/top right).  I think in the long run, it’ll be the more simple of the two because it doesn’t require quilted fabrics.  With my experience being limited, I’m going to start with something a bit simpler. I got this really amazing fabric to make the bag…

The brown fabric with teal circles is going to be the outside of the bag, while the teal fabric will be the lining.  I considered brown lining, but I just love the way the teal looks!!  The brown fabric is actually a light corduroy, so I got some heavier weight needles because I’ve been assured that this fabric is hefty and will break the regular needles.

Unfortunately, though I have everything I need to get started, I can’t actually start until next weekend. School’s starting back tomorrow (August 30th) and I have both my classes and my the basic writing for my assistantship to attend during the week.  I have to get text books, order a new stove, go to work and study. So, sewing will have to wait until I have a free moment, which won’t come until the weekend. Melanie and I are going to get together and have a sewing party, wherein she holds my hand *ehh hmm* offers me guidance through the process. She’ll probably get a heck of a lot more sewing done than I will, but I’m glad I have here here to help me when I get stuck.  I’m really looking forward to it.

In the mean time, I’ve been hunting down apron patterns online because I really want to make some vintage aprons. Turns out you can get upwards of 50 different apron patterns on the web, for free.  Many of them aren’t actually patterns, but rather are just instructions and measurements, but I think I could follow simple instructions… maybe.

More pictures coming when that fabric is actually a bag, and not just fabric.  By the time I get good at sewing, y’all are going to be so tired of hearing about sewing and my sewing projects.

When I was a 16 or 17, and learning to sew, my mother gave me a pattern for a halter top.  I loved it and set out to make it, even though I’ve learned in the intervening years that heavy-chested women shouldn’t necessarily wear halter tops.  I got all the pieces cut out, set up the sewing machine, and went to work.  I probably worked on that top, a fairly simple pattern, for four or five hours and when I was done, I ran to the bathroom to try it on.  Imagine my surprise when my awesome halter top didn’t fit right.  No, that’s an understatement, it didn’t fit at all.  It gaped open in the front, showing my ta-tas to the world, while the armpits were restrictive to the point of painful.

Rather than taking it off, I stormed into the living room, one arm over my chest, and frowned at my mother.  Mom burst into laughter and when she got that out of her system she informed me that I had sewn the armpits together in the front and the front to the armpits.  You see, the top was three parts, the torso and two breast pieces. The breast pieces had a long side and a short side.  Rather than sewing the short sides together at the front, I sewed the long sides together, which accounts for the gaping chest area. I spent an hour and a half ripping out all the seams on the top and pinning it back together the right way.  I got it fixed, but that story’s stuck with me.

So, why am I regaling you with my tale of halter tops gone wrong?  Simple, I’m going to dip my toes in the sewing pool once more. I’m going to attempt to learn (re-learn?) to sew!  I don’t currently own a sewing machine, but I plan to buy one this week.  I’m going to get the Brother XL2610 from Amazon.com.  It’s gotten excellent reviews and it’s pink (that’s it over there on the right), what more could a girl want?!  I’ve been looking around and I think this is the best machine for the money.  I thought about getting a Singer, which is what Melanie has, or a Kenmore, which is what my mother has, but I really like the Brother the best. I consulted with my local sewing sage (read: Melanie) and she agrees that it’s a good machine.  Yay!!

I’m ordering it from Amazon, rather than buying it locally because it’s not available here and the Amazon price is great.  Once I get it, I’ll go shopping for accessories, like scissors, pins and pincushion, things like that.  I can’t wait, I’m really excited to pick this back up.  While I never was great at it, I think that now, with a bit of attention to detail, I could be really great at it.  I find I’m much better at things now a days then I was when I was a teen.  I mean, I couldn’t cook and now I’m a really good cook.  I couldn’t cross-stitch and now I’m pretty okay at it, even though I never do it. I think this will be the same.

I plan to start small, with straight seams and make things like bags, aprons or simple skirts, things like that. I also don’t plan to wear anything I sew until I’m good at it and can have faith in my ability to make something that will hold up. I’ll definitely take pictures when I finally do get started making something!

Ultimately, a lot of the reason I’ve decided to take up this particular hobby is my grandmother.  My grandma Wilma was a great seamstress, she was really, really great at it.  My mom is also a great seamstress, though I don’t think she’s sewn anything in years.  When we were kids, mom use to make us these really cute baby-doll shirts that we loved.  Now that my grandma’s gone, I feel myself drawn toward this hobby because it’s something I can learn that will help me feel close to her.  I’ve been assured that doesn’t sound creepy by both Matt and Melanie, so if it does, I’m sorry, blame them.

Besides, screwing up simple patterns has been a fond childhood memory for me.  You should hear the story about the palazzo pants!  I’m the only person I know who can repeat the same damn mistake over and over.  I kept sewing one leg on inside out, I did it four times before finally giving up on those stupid pants. Never making pants again, no joke there! No really, even now… never making pants again!

Off to shop for sewing books and dream of my first sewing project.  Good night!